Shame and Writing
Overcoming the fear of sharing a personal story
Why do we, as writers, need to write about the things that make us feel ashamed? Why we need to share the stories that others don’t?
First, I think you need to ask yourself what those stories are for you? They are easy to identify because they are the things that trigger an almost visceral response in your body. As soon as you think about them, your heart rate increases a little and even the thought of writing them makes you nervous. They are the stories that make you think … what will everyone think? What will my neighbor think? My family? My friends?
For me recently, it was this article about mental health episode I had a year after my experience with breast cancer. How strange that I had been so open about the rest of the journey in this article, this article, and this one but this felt … different.
Why?
Rational me knew the answer: Because society treats mental health differently than a physical ailment — it is meant to be hidden, something that happens behind closed doors. And it is perceived by many as something that is controllable. A weakness in your constitution. It is one thing to struggle mentally during an illness but quite another long after it is over.
And that is where the shame lies.
Okay, but here are the next questions that I think need to be asked …
… Is that true?
… Do I agree with it?
… Would I want anyone else to feel shame around the same topic?
… Do I want to keep perpetuating that idea?
For me, on all those questions it was a hard NO.
I also know by sharing my experience something else is possible.
Connection.
… A way to chip away at the shame for someone else — to give them a voice as well.
… A way to make someone feel less alone.
… A way to help someone understand an experience they have never been through.
… The possibility that I could change someone’s mind.
And that is the magic of writing. That is what those of us who write these personal pieces are trying to achieve and instead of feeling ashamed, we should celebrate the bravery it takes to do that.
The first step in all of this is to write without editing. You can ask the questions later. You can edit later. Just write.
Darcey Gohring is a freelance editor and writer based outside New York City. She specializes in memoir and personal essay. Her work has appeared in Newsweek, Insider, HuffPost, Zibby Mag, among others. She is a contributing author to the anthology book, Corona City: Voices From an Epicenter, and recently completed her first novel. Darcey leads writing workshops and has served as the keynote speaker for conferences all over the northeastern United States. Visit www.darceygohring.com to learn more.
